I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
