apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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