i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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