dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
