my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
