Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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