Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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