dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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