Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
