I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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