I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
