Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
