My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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