i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
