Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
