Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
