Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked a lego.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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