Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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