absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
