insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
