found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
