no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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