You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
