matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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