Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
