Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
