She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
