My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i drank out of a bidet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
