you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Too much gin, very little bucket
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
