I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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