i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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