M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
