its not stalking. its research.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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