I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
