I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
