I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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