if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
