i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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