You're so nebulous sometimes
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
