why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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