I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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