Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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