something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
