I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A+ Viking dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
