We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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