Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
