I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
