Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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