My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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