WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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