finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
