I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Two words: blizzard sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
