Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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