you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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