two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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