Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
