I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
