Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
