A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just pee around me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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